Cornering the Critical 'Koozie User' Vote

So, a dear dear friend of mine is struggling to decide who to support in the Republican Presidential Primary. And who can blame her? The choices are, well, overwhelming. My friend has decided that in this important time in our nation's history she will base her vote on koozies. You know, a 'koozie,' an insulated beverage holder usually used to conceal a beer can or bottle. It's a testament to the quality of the Republican field this election cycle that people can be swayed by a candidate who distributes koozies.